沒有你的允許,我都會愛下去

意外地得知,身邊一女性朋友遇到感情煩惱,在熱切的關心和追問,朋友才緩緩吐出幾句,“已經分手了,如果這段感情算是開始過的話”,“都過去半年了,我已經沒事”。如果事情真是如她所言,她已經沒事,作為朋友的我,也不應再三提起這段逝去的愛,畢竟在她看來,是因為對方的拒絕,才導致分手的收場。

而事實上,這件事給她帶來的煩惱,原來從開始到現在,都沒有真正解決過,在別人看來,更仿佛到了走火入魔的地步。“分手”後的每一日,她仍然期待聽到他的聲音,看見他的模樣,得到他的關心與愛護。他明知自己無法與她一起,卻毫不吝惜自己的感情,充當絕世好友的角色,繼續他們之間的約會。

整個事情裡面,明顯地,她都處於一個被動的位置,如總是等待對方的答復,無論是關鍵性的愛與不愛,抑或化為具體事件的約會與否。第一,她不知道對方是否承認有開始過這段感情﹔第二,如果感情沒有真正的開始,也無所謂後來的分手,更無所謂結束。於是,這段關係的主動權,已經被默認鎖定在男方身上。

無感單戀和有感單戀
曾經聽過有人把這稱作市面上最廉價的曖昧關系。既然廉價,自然普遍。若回歸到本源,就是愛情上所說的“單相思”,即單戀。在戀愛挫折心理中,最常見的就是單戀和失戀。愛情心理學則把單戀分為兩類,無感單戀和有感單戀。

以上例子所見,正屬於典型的有感單戀:即對方明知你愛他(她),而他(她)根本不愛你,你把滿腔的熱情和愛奉獻給對方,遭到回絕,但你仍一往情深。明知不可為而為之,對單戀者來說,很是痛苦,是對自己的一種折磨。但往往更痛苦的,是對方察覺你對他(她)單戀時,不但不去拒絕,反而開始進一步的行動,維持雙方間模糊不清的關系,甚至捉弄對方的感情。

短暫的苦戀與長久的幸福
像有歌詞寫道:“沒有得你的允許,我都會愛下去,互相祝福心軟之際或者準我吻下去。”在單戀者看來,他(她)似乎得到了可以燃點的希望,而對被單戀的一方,他(她)則是利用了對方對自己的愛慕之情,進行有利於自身的感情索取。

如果被單戀者繼續含糊其詞地表態,事情發展下去,不單會激起並強化單戀者的錯覺,若遇上攻擊性強的單戀者,一旦他(她)日后遭受挫折,很可能會產生報復心理。

當然,朋友是個極其溫和的人,理應不會導致不堪設想的后果,但在愛情的道路上,本就沒有對錯之分,日常生活中再和藹的人,面對愛情的時候,也會露出其最真實的憤怒,控制不到也掩飾不住。如果把這種痛苦、憂傷潛藏心中,事情則一直無法排解。以為牢牢抓住一段不置可否的感情,相信幸福就在不遠處,甚至明知只是短暫的時間,也不願意放手。

痛,只因為無法放下。其實,幸福隨時離你而去,因為當真正的幸福靠近你時,你已經沒有手去接住她了。更何況,只是為了哄騙自己的對方,放棄屬於自己的幸福,值得嗎?

About terence0425leung

哲人無憂,智者常樂。並不是因為所愛的一切他都擁有了,而是所擁有的一切他都愛。
本篇發表於 未分類。將永久鏈結加入書籤。

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