既然取悅不了所有人,不如專心愛自己!

“老好人”總是不顧自己的感受去幫別人,看起來沒態度、沒脾氣、好欺負,可以讓人隨意差遣。這種過度友善其實是種病,是種病態的取悅癥——太好面子、害怕拒絕、不愛自己、有點自卑。人善被人欺,友善并非理所當然。既然取悅不了所有人,不如只取悅自己。做回自己,學會拒絕,才能贏得真正的尊重。

過度友善的人,內心不是真的快樂
日常生活中,總有這樣的“老好人”:他們總是把別人的需要擺在第一位,盡量滿足別人提出的各種瑣碎要求,從來都不會對別人說一個“不”字。

他們這么做的目的就是爭取周圍每個人對他的認可,努力取悅所有人。但事實上,他們自己的內心卻并不是那么的快樂,甚至有時候會疲于“幫忙”、倍感憋屈。

其實,大多時候,過度友善的人可能一開始只是單純地想與人為善,但一味地過度友善,不遵從自己內心的感受、對別人有求必應,即使是明顯的差遣式的請求也違心地一口答應,就會慢慢地演變成病態的取悅癥。

過度友善的人,可能認為他任勞任怨的付出,終究能得到所有人對他的喜愛;但結果卻總是事與愿違,畢竟生活總是欺軟怕硬,當過度友善的人成了別人眼中可以隨意差遣的“下手”,那他基本上就在群體中就毫無存在感了,而他想要的來自于別人對他的認可的快樂,也在一剎那間蕩然無存。過度友善的人,既取悅不了別人,更取悅不了自己。

友善不是理所當然,學會拒絕才能贏得尊重
過度友善的人,其實是把面子看得比自己還重要的人。生活中總有一些投機取巧的“懶人”動用小聰明去變相差遣“老好人”,雖然“老好人”感覺這個忙不是非幫不可,但就是開不了口、撇不下面子拒絕。

于是,“老好人”只能放下自己手頭的事情去給別人跑腿打雜。因為從不拒絕,所以越來越多的人開始差遣他做這做那,他卻只是把自己累得要死、疲于應對,最終還得不到別人的重視。

太講面子的人,其實內心不夠強大,“死要面子活受罪”的感受并不好受。而過度友善的人看重的面子,在總是喜歡麻煩別人的人眼里,根本一文不值。

其實,拒絕別人無關乎面子,拒絕表達的是一種態度,那就是——我對你的友善并不是理所當然,如果你找我幫忙只是想使喚我,那我會果斷拒絕,不講面子,管你失望還是怎樣。

過度友善的人,不會拒絕,害怕傷面子、害怕讓別人失望,這其實是放棄了自己,不管不顧自己的感受。是啊,你都不尊重自己的感受,別人就更不會了。學會拒絕,做有態度的自己,才能贏得別人的尊重。

不去取悅別人,才能真正懂得愛自己
有句話說的好,一心不能二用,所以要么取悅別人,要么取悅自己。只有當你不再試圖委屈自己去取悅所有人的時候,你才能找回自我,聽見自己的心聲,愛自己并讓自己快樂。很可惜的是,過度友善的人總是失去自我、有些自卑,一味取悅別人,不懂得愛自己、對自己好。

過度友善的人,習慣優先滿足別人的需求而非自己的需求,他們往往對別人的需求高度敏感,對自己內心的感受卻置若罔聞。但悲哀的是,當你一心取悅別人的時候,他們卻連你的價值都忽略不計。愛的優先級,從一開始排在首位的就應該是自己,連自己都不愛的人,也很難得到別人的愛。

人生苦短,所以大可不必費盡心力討好別人來證明自己。對自己的評判與認可,自己做裁判就好。相比得到別人的認可,對自己的認可才是真的重要。本分做人,不苛求所有人都喜歡我,只要不損人利己,又能取悅自己,就是人生最好的狀態。

過度友善其實是種病,病就病在企圖取悅所有人。過度友善的人,害怕拒絕,因為他們看來,拒絕別人同樣是件傷面子的事。把面子看得比天還大,往往源于內心的弱小。事事害怕讓別人失望,也是一種自卑。

生活總有點欺軟怕硬。一個完全不懂拒絕的人,也不可能贏得真正的尊重。

About terence0425leung

哲人無憂,智者常樂。並不是因為所愛的一切他都擁有了,而是所擁有的一切他都愛。
本篇發表於 未分類。將永久鏈結加入書籤。

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